Kitties Are the Best

Longer, Stronger, Fresher-smelling

2006-01-21T22:19:00.000-05:00

The people have spoken...

"Gah! Where are you?"
- Alison, AliThinks

"Oh where, oh where has schmonnie gone? Oh where, oh where can she be?"
- Allan, AllanThinks

"Yes, we crave material, Schmonnie."
- Bloggblogg, sdfdsf

"Who?"
- John Updike, The New York Review of Books

...and so I have taken up the mantle of Kitties Are The Best once more.

But I have also decided to move operations to a new site, with a new name, for no other reason than the name "ScrittiKitty" kind of tickles me. I swear the change has nothing to do with the Office of Homeland Security or FCC violations. Just itchy is all.

So come on over to the Scrit, to see what I've writ. It's the same great taste with a bold new look!
Poke at it: "http://scrittikitty.blogspot.com"

Or drop me a line at scrittikitty@yahoo.com!

Smooches,
Me

Black, Tabled

2006-01-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Criminy.

I go away for a scant few months, and look what happens. The Black Table has long been one of my favorite sites, and I realized that since I haven't been checking in at KATB to post, I also haven't been checking in to read. When I ended my hiatus just now, I saw my happy little list of links, and remembered how much I missed the Table. (Oh, and all my friends, of course; sorry for the lapse, guys! What up?) I was all excited to get back to it, and now I find, much to my shock and dismay, that they're closing up shop at the end of the month.

Boo.

I'm just hoping they leave the archives up for a while, as there are innumerable nuggets of goodness to be had there.

Actually, though - there aren't. The nuggets, such as they are, are entirely numberable, and finite.

Crap.

See ya, Table.

Uh... Ahem. Hi, Again.

2006-01-05T17:58:00.000-05:00

Somebody, Please Think of the Children!

2005-09-09T14:48:00.000-04:00

It's good to see that, even though FEMA has been widely criticized of late, and - on a completely coincidental and unrelated note - Michael Brown has been relieved of his duties, these folks have the really important issues well in hand.

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Monkey

2005-08-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

Criminy. I can't even handle this.

Worth the Wait

2005-08-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't posted in far too long, but it's high time, because I've got news. Ready? Here it comes...

I got a new job!

I wish I could tell you the name of my new place of employment, but since I tend to use this space to post pictures of women's naughty parts and indulge in filthy language like "fuck", "pee", and "kitties", I'm betting - even without asking - that they'd prefer this page not be associated with them in Google searches and newspaper articles. Fair enough.

What I can tell you is that it's with the company who sought me out a few weeks ago. These are the people who did our donor data management at my old job. I worked with them a lot, and it turns out they remembered me... fondly, even! They've been looking for new client service representatives, and since they know me, and I know the company and their products and services, they thought I'd be good for the position. My role will be to help nonprofit clients understand and use the software, and be their liaison with the programmers. I'll create queries and reports, resolve glitches, and go on visits to do tutorials. I love that I get to indulge my inner geek (though I admit many would argue there's not much "inner" about it), and that I still get to be a do-gooder and work with nonprofits and help them raise funds, while making the salary of a hard-core capitalist corporate drone. It's a bit different from the positions I've been applying for here, but I've actually got more practical experience with databases, basic fundraising principles, and customer service than I do with, say, grantmaking or program administration. To be honest, I'm much better qualified for this position than I was for my current job.

And there are plenty of nice little perks besides actually getting paid with real money. For starters, I don't have to move, which is huge. Not only do I not have to deal with that hassle, I get to stay close to my zoo pals and other special friends. Also, I still get to take the mini-vacation Min and I have planned for October: another San Francisco wedding. And perhaps best of all, they pay for my DSL at home, so pretty soon, I'll be playing the hits around the clock here at KATB.

The only remaining issue is that my current boss is on vacation until next Tuesday, and after everything that's transpired in the few months since she started, particularly with me specifically, the last thing I want is for her to hear through the grapevine that I'm leaving. That means that until she gets back, I have to keep acting as though I'll be here indefinitely, and pretend that I truly, deeply care about whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. And it's giving me a really bad headache.

Six more days until I can make it official, and start packing and slacking.

Twenty-three more days until I'm gone, daddy, gone.

The Path of Righteousness

2005-08-15T12:52:00.000-04:00

Hi folks, and welcome once again to the Kitties Are the Best Friday Potluck. Still not quite on Friday, but I'm getting closer. Tell you what: I'll work on my punctuality, and in the meantime, you have some rice krispie treats and I'll try to make it worth the wait.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: doggies are the beast. And while kitties are indeed the best, you know what's (almost) even better? Kitties in pants.

And now, from the One Good Thing Leads to Another Files:

While browsing at Drawn, I happened to come across this lovely picture by Art Lad. He's a six-year-old who draws stuff, and his dad helps him post it in a blog. You'd think it would be obnoxiously precious (or at least, I would, being the cynical misanthope that I am), but the kid's a pretty good draw-er, and the blog is written in his own voice, so there's no parental pontification about how brilliant and amazing Little Picasso is. It's just nice. Here's hoping it survives the hype.

Anyway, Art Lad kindly pointed me in the direction of Rurality, a lovely little blog that's one of my new favorites. It's very simple and laid-back, and seems to be primarily composed of photos of pretty things. It's like a moment of zen meditation. Plus, she includes snakes in the category of pretty things, so you know she rocks.

Quietly perhaps, but rocks nonetheless.

Next, one of Rurality's posts made mention of the intriguingly-named Month of Softies. It is, in short, a bunch of people making crafty things according to a monthly theme, and sharing pictures of them. These things are usually small and soft (hence the name), but sometimes not soft, and sometimes very, very not small.

And it just so happens that Month of Softies resides on Loobylu, the blog of Australian illustrator and toymaker Claire Robertson, who makes and draws all kinds of things that are incredibly cute, and yet somehow do not inspire me to strangle her, and that's a hard balance to strike. Also, you'll see that on her main page, she's very conveniently created a list of links to a plethora of other neato crafty, illustration-y, toy-y sites, so I don't have to. Thanks, Loobylu!

Rurality (remember her, from way back when?) also led me to Happy and Blue2, which I'm sure is a very nice blog, but I really can't say, because all I've looked at is his Cool and Free list, which includes fantabulous items such as the Church Sign Generator, the South Park Character Generator, and the Crazy Paper Doll Lady. How awesome is Crazy Paper Doll Lady? So awesome that she made an Aishwarya Rai doll, just one of her many Bollywood dolls. But who in the hell is Kalan Porter? Oh. Canada.

Looking at all these crafty folks reminded me of Knitty, a wonderful site that I haven't been to in a while, which is all about knitting, a hobby I haven't done in a while - but I've got to start it up again. It's already mid-August, so if I'm going to make Min a scarf, or even a hat and some mitts in time for him to wear them when he'll actually need them, I'd better get crackin'. And if I'm really industrious, I can whip up a little something for myself, too.

And finally, the news. A British man confessed to bigamy when all three of his wives showed up at the hospital where he was recovering from a triple bypass. The one-bypass-per-wife joke is really too obvious, but I will say that it puts your mom's admonitions to always wear clean underwear into perspective.

Anything else? No, I guess that's it for now.

The Bitch is Back

2005-08-09T17:50:00.000-04:00

Hey, kids. I'm back in town, and boy, did I ever really not miss this place at all. Berkeley is stellar. I suppose, though, that a large part of what I loved so much about it was the "not having to work at all", not to mention the "getting to hang out with all my friends". But that's neither here nor there. Actually, yes it is. It's there, and I'm here.

Oh, well.

Of course, I'm too busy (lazy) to write much, but I did waste a good chunk of time posting pictures, which can be viewed by clicking the Flickr link at right. And to make things even simpler - because if you're anything like me, you'd rather not waste precious seconds clicking an additional link - you can go directly to pictures of the wedding, or check out my long-delayed birthday album. And I've added a few new shots to Randomness.

Okeedokey, Doggie Daddy. That's it.

Bye

2005-08-04T17:23:00.000-04:00

See you Monday.

It's the Little Things

2005-08-03T16:12:00.000-04:00

You may have heard that I have a reputation for being All Mad, All the Time, and I feel this is wholly undeserved.

I'm a sweetheart, I really am.

It's just that there are a few little things that, while relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things, do tend to piss me off. For instance:

Dog Balls
Seriously, people. There is no reason not to neuter your pet. If you're really that concerned about Barkley having a sexual identity crisis, get him some Neuticles. There are millions of unwanted cats and dogs euthanized every year, on top of the millions in shelters who are lucky enough to be adopted, and countless more living on the streets. If I never see a dog's junk again, it'll be too soon.

Couples Dressed Alike
Not acceptable, ever, under any circumstances, no matter what anyone says. At best, it makes you look unhealthily possessive and co-dependent. At worst, it makes you look related. Oh, and this goes double for gay couples. Creepy, people. Creepy.

Commuters Who Refuse to Sit
Yes, I understand that you're a big, strong man who doesn't need a cushy seat to make it through a 15 minute bus ride. Really, I get that. But I'm not. I'll readily admit that I'm just a soft, lazy, little baby, and I relish every moment where I don't have to support my own weight. I have a hunch that the woman with the walker (you may not have noticed her behind me, as she's so cowed with osteoporosis) would also appreciate the chance to rest her gams. And look: there's an open seat - not to mention several more feet of unoccupied aisle - right behind you. So please, don't force me and every successive person after me to ask you to move, and don't act like a dick about it when we do. When you can afford limo service, you can sit, stand, or lie down wherever you want, I promise. But if you're riding public transportation, you will probably at some point encounter the public. Sorry.

Faxes
Five times today, I answered the phone only to be greeted with a shrill "...beeeeeeeeeeip! ...beeeeeeeeeeip! ...beeeeeeeeeeip!". I even came back from lunch to find a 30-second message of this. Stop it. Don't you realize, after the 3rd or 4th time your call is cut off, that you might have a wrong number? And more to the point, why are you sending a fax, anyway?

Okay, now I am mad.

Hot Town, Summer in the City

2005-08-02T14:13:00.000-04:00

Every nook, cranny, and crevice of our trip to New York this weekend was crammed with fun. There was fun oozing out the seams, and an extra layer of fun slathered all over it. Even now, I'm still covered in a thin film of fun. But don't take my word for it; click the photo above or the flickr link on the right and check out the NY album.

We drove up Saturday morning, stopping at Waffle House on the way. I thought I had been to Waffle House before. I thought it was like Denny's or Perkin's or IHOP. I was wrong. What it's like is the best cheap greasy spoon ever, and if you haven't been, you simply must experience it. We ate like pigs and paid but a sawbuck and change. This is how great Waffle House is: the guy sitting to us had a T-bone steak, followed by a cheeseburger and fries for dessert. Hells yeah.

We met up with Greg Saturday evening, at the sound check for his big debut as a performance artist. We didn't get to see the show, but at least we had the privilege of watching him rock the mic in rehearsal. Unfortunately, he couldn't join us for dinner, as he was too busy being a superstar.

So we met up with Diane and J and pals at a Korean restaurant to celebrate her birthday. I got her a traditional gift, a belt with an 18-wheeler buckle. I had some fantastic chap jae and scallion pancakes. We didn't have a cake, though, which Julie's young neighbor felt was inexcusably lame. Grownups.

Then, we karaoked the night (and a good portion of the morning) away at iBop and Toto. Greg showed up later and treated us to a rousing rendition of "Video Killed the Radio Star", but I think the highlight was the group-sing on "Rock Lobster". Hard to choose with so much talent in the room. Finally, we packed it in. Diane's pal Steve was good enough to put us up, and after I got a big goodnight kiss from Ollie, we hit the hay.

In the morning, we met my uncle for brunch at Artie's, and afterward, we picked up a dozen everything at H&H. We did a little shopping, and visited the Strand, where we looked at some highfalutin' art books. Then, we headed back.

My only regret is that the weekend was so short. I didn't get to spend much time with Greg, and I didn't get to see Biz in her new play. And we had no time for the zoo or museums.

But the thing that made it all worthwhile? I got knish.

Mon Day

2005-08-01T17:09:00.000-04:00

Well, the bad news is that it's been a crappy Monday. The good news is that it was crappy primarily because it arrived hot on the heels of one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Min and I rocked New York, and I'll post photos soon. Also, there will be no Kitties Are the Best Friday Potluck this week, because I'll be leaving on a jet plane to see Sarah and Jeremy jump the broom in Cali. I'm simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading another exhausting weekend. In the meantime, I'll try to post a few interesting tidbits to tide you over.

For instance:

When I finally go really crazy, and they have to lock me away, I believe the soundtrack to my hallucinations will be all Twink, all the time.

You're an Eight

2005-07-29T15:51:00.000-04:00

Hi folks, and welcome once again to the Kitties Are the Best Friday Potluck. Of course, no potluck would be complete without a nice marshmallow salad. Not for nothing is it called "ambrosia". So whip up a batch, grab the biggest spoon you can fit in your mouth, and dig in.

Let's start things off with a Tip O' the Cat to the nice folks at BoingBoing, where every day is a potluck. They seem to turn up with something funny or useful in every other search I do, so I'm adding them to the links at right. If you'd really like to browse the BoingBoing site, but you're not quite ready to make that commitment, please feel free to sample these quality BoingBoing entries. There's no obligation and no cost to you. Take a look at Toronto's secret swing, salami rugs, and a Darth Vader fetish site.

Also, if you found your appetite for wacky t-shirts whetted, rather than sated, by the sites I mentioned last week, BoingBoing features a few more: Busted Tees, which has a selection that's similar (but not identical, oh, no) to PalmerCash; Defunker, which seems a little more artsy-fartsy, a la Threadless; and Spreadshirt, which lets you make your own, or use their designs. Like Neighborhoodies. You know, this might sound crazy, but I think I smell a trend.

Ladies! How many times has this happened to you? You're at a club and you've had a few drinks, so you're tipsy, which is fun, but have to pee, which is not. You weave your way to the restroom and wait in line for 35 minutes, only to find that the toilet is covered in other people's urine, or worse. What are your options, really? You can wipe the seat, but it's an empty gesture; you know it's still unimaginably filthy. Hovering precariously is a strain on the thighs, and you can't relax and pee fully, because you're using those muscles to hold yourself up. You could stand on the seat and squat, but you risk slipping and landing in the very mess you're trying to avoid. Wouldn't it be nice if you could just pee standing up? True, there are plenty of devices that enable women to pee while standing, but come on. As it is, you've made your boyfriend hold onto your ID and lipstick. Do you really want to carry a funnel around?
No.
No, you don't.
Well, you can squat no longer, because I'm here to tell you that, with a little practice, you can indeed pee standing up, into a toilet, without any devices. I learned the technique from a wonderful informational page at restrooms.org, which had instructions, diagrams, and a discussion board. Unfortunately, the link now goes directly to a page about Travelmate, one of the aforementioned devices. You can still find the instructions online, but I also found the original diagrams and comments really helpful, so I've added my two cents to the basics, here courtesy of All About My Vagina. I strongly recommend practicing in the shower first.

How to Pee Standing Up
1. Prepare: Wash your hands. Put up the toilet seat (if it's not a moot point) and adjust your clothes to get them out of the way (pants down, skirts up, underwear down or to the side as you prefer). Some women say they are able to simply unzip their pants and pull the crotch down a little. You can try it, but I've never been successful. I'm also not satisfied with bunching my pants around my ankles, since the floor is certainly no cleaner than the toilet seat. I find it best to pull them down to my knees, and drape a bit of toilet paper over the crotch, to catch any drips. Why clothing manufacturers don't just make the zippers in women's pants about six inches longer is utterly beyond me.
2. Use your fingers to spread both the outer and inner labia. This prevents you from peeing down your leg or in a big spray, and it takes a little trial and error. Spreading too far or not far enough can make your urine spray. It just takes a little practice to get a feel for what works. You can adjust your aim left and right by turning your hips. You can also direct the stream with your fingers. Place your finger tips just above and on either side of your urethral opening. Then, gently press up and into the space between your urethral opening and your pubic bone. This allows you to direct the angle of the stream upward. Be careful, as you can greatly change the angle with just a little pressure. Remember, you want to be slightly above, roughly at 10:00 and 2:00, rather than 9:00 and 3:00. If you're too low, you will cause your urine to spray.
3. Pee forcefully and steadily, right to the end, then stop completely. Consistent bladder pressure also helps with aim. If you taper off, you will dribble.
4. Wipe yourself if necessary.
5. Return your toilet seat and clothing to their standard, locked positions and wash your hands.

Now, I've heard, as I'm sure you have, about the kids these days making prom attire out of duct tape. Sorry, Duck Tape. But making a tuxedo out of Coke cans takes some real ingenuity. I'm just saying, is all.

And while we all agree that kitties are the best, monkeys are pretty rad, too, aren't they? And great apes. It's true what they say about those apes: they're great. I think part of the reason why people get such a kick out of monkeys and apes their similarity to us. They look and act so much like us that we can't help feeling we have something in common. So I was totally geeked to find an ape who actually has quite a bit in common with me: Bonnie, my orangutwin. She lives at the zoo, and I visit her whenever I work next door at the reptile house. Yes, there's the obvious physical resemblance. But beyond that, she's just a year younger than me, she likes to walk bipedally (which is unusual for orangutans, but I do it all the time), and she's very interested in the Orangutan Language Project, as am I. Also, she was the first to use the O Line, which shows how intelligent and daring she is.
So, she's not exactly like me.

Well, I'm getting pretty full, and Uncle Joe just unbuttoned his pants, so I think I'd better pack this up. Take some leftovers with you. Otherwise, I'm just going to throw it away.

Machine Verses Me

2005-07-28T15:39:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of Googlism, a prose poem which I've given the title, "bonnie is an understatement".

bonnie is an understatement

bonnie is an
bonnie is coming
bonnie is "not" a caring and very nice person
bonnie is a caring and very nice person
bonnie is nifty
bonnie is over free mp3
bonnie is too valuable to put up with this turmoil
bonnie is
bonnie is a benchmark which measures the performance of unix file system operations
bonnie is an understatement"
bonnie is an understatement
bonnie is a winner
bonnie is "not" a caring and very nice person
bonnie is a whore
bonnie is a strong advocate for renewable energy
bonnie is absolutely obsessed with goalies of every sort especially eddie belfour
bonnie is my sweet little girl miniature pinscher
bonnie is committed to working with you to create a ceremony that will mirror exactly what you want
bonnie is over the ocean melodi
bonnie is always breaking new ground to help her clients
bonnie is a simple but useful tool to determine the speed of your filesystem
bonnie is over free mp3 download
bonnie is becoming extratropical and this is the last advisory
bonnie is over the ocean
bonnie is in need of a loving home in al
bonnie is diagnosed with cancer
bonnie is the woman
bonnie is in charge of all the interpretive programs in the park
bonnie is our foundation mare for our sport pony breeding program
bonnie is a contributing editor as well as a plant journaler
bonnie is an excellent speaker
bonnie is a national masters racewalk award winner
bonnie is going home
bonnie is an advanced registered nurse practitioner with a masters of science in nursing degree and an undergraduate degree
bonnie is likely to increase its speed during the next 24 hours
bonnie is on shore due to increased demand to update her products
bonnie is working with the students
bonnie is well educated
bonnie is a gifted medium
bonnie is coming to town
bonnie is hardworking and ener
bonnie is over the ocean my bonnie is over the sea my bonnie is over the ocean o bring back my bonnie to me
bonnie is beating her fists against the bed because she is railing against the ordinariness
bonnie is continually checking the availablility of different spices and ingredients to ensure that the ones featured in her
bonnie is a medium sized bear who is very cute
bonnie is a chunky 13
bonnie is hot
bonnie is 130 m south of wilmington
bonnie is the funniest person in hollywood today
bonnie is the number one suspect
bonnie is a silver
bonnie is geboren op 13
bonnie is turned on by the speedy fun and danger promised by clyde; together their exploits make them folk heroes
bonnie is over the ocean my bonnie is over the ocean
bonnie is trying to find a cure for cancer the only way she knows; with her hands
bonnie is proud to call nokomis home
bonnie is very creative and has a lot of enthusiasm and energy
bonnie is from fresno but spent many years in the bay area and on the beaches of san diego
bonnie is the vice president
bonnie is arrested for the first and only time
bonnie is a wildlife forensic
bonnie is actively involved in running and maintaing the prestegious programs of presidio
bonnie is a bull terrier
bonnie is also a certified toastmaster and secretary of the maple grove toastmasters club
bonnie is a 4
bonnie is offering a special first time session for people who contact her via the web for only $25
bonnie is working on her fifth book which combines her horse training experience with the process of improving your life
bonnie is the last child she has?
bonnie is definitely not lame
bonnie is an advocate of personal communications
bonnie is widely admired for her combination of modesty and confidence
bonnie is a long time resident of grand junction and of colorado and has been building a successful real estate practice for nearly 12 years
bonnie is one of the most dynamic and entertaining performers in the acoustic music field today
bonnie is a great performer she always takes her work really seriously and gives 110% on stage
bonnie is playing golf more often
bonnie is widely published and has taught at the university level for 25 years
bonnie is an awesome part of the capstone team
bonnie is employed by mccartney ag and equipment repair as bookkeeper
bonnie is here to give you a chance to ask your questions and to have someone find the answers for you
bonnie is one of the best
bonnie is truly a champion
bonnie is a file system benchmarking utility
bonnie is the office manager and is responsible for the scheduling of appointments with the career counselors
bonnie is 20 years old and is a sophomore in veterinary sciences at the university of arizona
bonnie is a non
bonnie is not your run
bonnie is a pain
bonnie is an active member of the santa barbara board of realtor s
bonnie is a tall tale
bonnie is a pioneer of stretch fashion
bonnie is the broker/owner of chelsea realty and has been listing and selling real estate for over fourteen years and truly puts forth
bonnie is an
bonnie is coming
bonnie is gone
bonnie is all fired
bonnie is
bonnie is right
bonnie is over the ocean
bonnie is "not" a caring and very nice person
bonnie is a caring and very nice person
bonnie is nifty
bonnie is the right answer to the quiz
bonnie is too valuable to put up with this turmoil
bonnie is over free mp3
bonnie is the woman
bonnie is coming to town
bonnie is implicated
bonnie is an understatement"
bonnie is a benchmark which measures the performance of unix file system operations
bonnie is copyright © tim bray
bonnie is gone in
bonnie is all fired post a comment name
bonnie is a strong advocate for renewable energy
bonnie is one dumb bith
bonnie is a developing tropical storm and is moving toward the northwest at the time of this image
bonnie is a simple but useful tool to determine the speed of your filesystem
bonnie is "not" a caring and very nice person
bonnie is absolutely obsessed with goalies of every sort especially eddie belfour
bonnie is my sweet little girl miniature pinscher
bonnie is the vice president
bonnie is one of the most gifted musicians
bonnie is committed to working with you to create a ceremony that will mirror exactly what you want
bonnie is pima's student body president
bonnie is becoming extratropical and this is the last advisory
bonnie is always breaking new ground to help her clients
bonnie is a library clerk iii in southworth library at suny canton
bonnie is over the ocean melodi
bonnie is the right answer
bonnie is the funniest person in hollywood today
bonnie is happy to share her knowledge
bonnie is a contributing editor as well as a plant journaler
bonnie is over free mp3 download
bonnie is our foundation mare for our sport pony breeding program
bonnie is doing well
bonnie is an excellent speaker
bonnie is in charge of all the interpretive programs in the park
bonnie is a liitle haphazard
bonnie is going home
bonnie is a healing touch certified practitioner and certified instructor
bonnie is a national masters racewalk award winner
bonnie is arrested on april 19 and then released after 3 months
bonnie is an expert
bonnie is something out of the ordinary herself
bonnie is likely to increase its speed during the next 24 hours
bonnie is most known for roles in beethoven
bonnie is working with the students
bonnie is an advanced registered nurse practitioner with a masters of science in nursing degree and an undergraduate degree
bonnie is a frequent speaker at educational technology conferences and those focusing on bridging the digital divide
bonnie is hardworking and ener
bonnie is a gifted medium
bonnie is centered on bonnie molloy
bonnie is emeinetly qualified for this particular hall of fame
bonnie is superior in sports knowledge
bonnie is a winner
bonnie is a legendary human being to any and everyone she has touched
bonnie is turned on by the speedy fun and danger promised by clyde; together their exploits make them folk heroes
bonnie is over the ocean my bonnie is over the sea my bonnie is over the ocean o bring back my bonnie to me
bonnie is continually checking the availablility of different spices and ingredients to ensure that the ones featured in her
bonnie is so happy that she has a buddy
bonnie is a teacher
bonnie is very creative and has a lot of enthusiasm and energy
bonnie is well educated
bonnie is trying to find a cure for cancer the only way she knows; with her hands
bonnie is currently signed with emi
bonnie is a real estate agent that is known in the community of edison for their dedicated client service
bonnie is scurrying about the house to get everyone into the car so she can get to her show on time
bonnie is a file system benchmarking utility

Help Wanted

2005-07-28T14:21:00.000-04:00

You know how, when you were in elementary school, you always got picked last for every team in gym class; and how even in the magnet class, you still stood out as the geekiest; and how all the other kids rolled their eyes whenever you raised your hand, and ran away from you on the playground, and referred to cooties as "You" germs; and how your teachers would say, "Someday, when you're grown up, people will appreciate your, uh, unique qualities, and you'll be the popular one," and you wanted desperately to believe it, but had a sneaking suspicion they they were just saying that to make you feel better and knew they could lie with impunity because you'd be grown up and long gone from that little hick town before you learned it wasn't true?

No?

Okay, maybe that was just me.

But get this: that line they fed you- I mean, me? It was true:

From: Ms. X
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2005 1:46 PM
To: Schmonnie
Subject: Getting Company Z on your career radar....

Hello! You don't know me from Adam, but I wanted to introduce myself as the new VP of CS for Company Z.

I have heard terrific things about you from L and other folks here [at Company Z, who I worked with at my old job] and wanted to get on your radar if you are ever looking to move on from your current organization.

Please feel free to drop me an email or call if you would like to get togther to chat about what opportunities we may be able to provide you.

Thanks much -
Ms. X

Hi Ms. X!
Welcome to Company Z! I really enjoyed working with them, and I'm sure you will, too. I'm really flattered that you got in touch with me. As a matter of fact, I am currently looking into other opportunities, but right now, I'm waiting to hear about a couple of positions here. My preference is to stay with my current organization if I can, but if nothing pans out in the next few weeks, I'd be happy to meet with you. Either way, I'll be in touch with you soon. Thanks again for thinking of me.
Me

I mean, I hate to brag, but this totally makes my year. Seriously; if this is my reward for being crowned Ms. Dorkfest 1980-1993, it was entirely worth it.

Quizzical

2005-07-28T11:15:00.000-04:00

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.
What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve
What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Gemini Drinking Style

You can drink without changing your behavior much.
You're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes.
You amaze people by conversing with finesse and allusions, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe.
You possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once.
You like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring!
You may create a drinking theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for your own amusement.

Your Signature Cocktails
Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks -- those with two parts, like a black and tan (or just a double), are particularly appealing. Otherwise, you'll drink all over the map, ordering frou-frou drinks to add to you collection of cocktail monkeys or going for whiskey rocks because you're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise -- home-infused anise vodka is sure to win you over.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies
Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Kylie Minogue, the Olson Twins, Colin Farrell, Ice Cube, Natalie Portman, and Mr. T
What's Your Alcohoroscope?

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream

Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun.
You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things.
You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it.
You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream.
What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

You are sexy, powerful, and bold.
You're full of passion and energy...
Sometimes this passion has a dark side.
You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.
You never fail to get someone's attention.
Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!
The World's Shortest Personality Test

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.
You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.
What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're very preoccupied with your fears and problems.
These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day.
Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.
Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.
You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.
You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.
What Do Your Dreams Mean?

You May Be a Bit Histrionic ...

Dramatic and over the top, you crave attention.
And you'll do anything it takes to get noticed.
You love to be seductive, even when it's inappropriate.
If you're ignored, you're easily hurt ... and act out even more!
What Personality Disorder Are You?

Cleveland
You are blue collar and Rock n Roll. You work hard and party harder.
"Which American City Are You?"

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble
What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost.
You make a good puppet.
What Crappy Gift Are You?

Your Life Path Number Is 6
You have a strong sense of responsibility: you must feel useful to be happy.
The main contribution you make is that of advice, service and ever present support.
This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility.
Thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help.
The Life Path 6 is one who is compelled to function with strength and compassion.
You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources.
Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your Life Path.
Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age.
As a child, you easily spanned the generation gap and assumed an important role in life early on.
While you may assume huge responsibilities in the community, you life revolves around the immediate home and family.
Most with Life Path 6 are the positive types who willingly carry far more than their fair share of the load and are always there when needed.
You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, family and friends.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path.
Avoid a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others.
Also, avoid being too critical (of yourself or of others).
The misuse of this Life Path produces tendencies towards exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness.
Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.
The natural burdens of your number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6.
This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.
What Is Your Life Path Number?

Your Inner European is Spanish!

Energetic and lively.
You bring the party with you!
Who's Your Inner European?

Your EQ is 140
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.
What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You are 53% Sketchy

How sketchy are you?

Your English Skills:
Grammar: 100%
Punctuation: 100%
Spelling: 100%
Vocabulary: 100%
Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

Star Wars Horoscope for Gemini

Like most Geminis, you are a playful little creature.
You tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having a short attention span.
For the most part, you are charming and loveable.
But at times, you can seem scattered and high-strung.
Star wars character you are most like: Ewoks
What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

How Your Attitude Ranks
Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population
If you scored...
80-100: You've got a winner attitude. You're always optimistic and cheery. Your personality will get you far in life.
60-79: You have a good attitude. While a realist, you do see the positive side of most things. People love to be around you.
40 - 59: You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones.
20 - 39: You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good.
0-19: You have a negative attitude. You tend to see the dark side of every situation. Free ice cream? No thanks, it will just make you fat!
How's Your Attitude?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?
How scary are you?

Working at Working

2005-07-27T17:16:00.000-04:00

The latest news on the China position, for which I've had two interviews, is that today, they called me to find out whether they could talk to my boss about my performance. I'm no longer worried about what she would say, since I got a good (not great, but solidly good) review from her. But I said that I would prefer not to let her know I'm looking at other positions until I have an offer. They said they assumed that would be the case, and asked if I could just send them a copy of my performance review, which I gladly did.
Even better, I suggested that they also talk to the woman who was my supervisor during the interim months before my current boss was hired. It just so happens that she loves me, and has told me she will give me nothing but the most glowing recommendation.

So at this point, I'm confident that I've really done all I can do. My mojo is working as hard as it can. Nothing to do now but wait.

Not Late, Just Early

2005-07-26T20:03:00.000-04:00

It's all part of the plan, honey.

Hi folks, and welcome once again to the Kitties Are the Best "Friday" Potluck. Yes, it's the following Wednesday. And yes, I haven't posted anything at all, potluck or otherwise, in a week. But I'm writing on borrowed time here, people. Or more precisely, borrowed computers. So until somebody can help me out with that, you'll just have to kick back, enjoy a nice limeade, and let the kitties come to you.

That is, of course, if the dust storm doesn't come to you first. But never fear; apparently the only danger it poses to us here in the US is random outbreaks of gorgeousness.

When my Babcia was getting on in years, we moved her out of her little house on the lower east side and into a condo in a nicer neigborhood. Instead of crack whores, it had a backyard. And squirrels. Lots and lots of squirrels. My dad always said they were just rats with fluffy tails and told Babcia not to encourage them. But she didn't care; she loved those squirrels. She'd feed them all the time. They'd come right up on the back porch and sit, staring with those big, limpid eyes. She said she was making them her pets, but they didn't seem to be getting any tamer. Quite the opposite, they were noticeably more aggressive each time we came to visit. Often, there would be two or three of them hanging on the screen door, for hours at a time, it seemed, just watching us go about our business. Finally, it got to the point that we couldn't use the back door anymore. Babcia had opened it one morning, and the squirrels had seized their opportunity. They ran into the house and were trying to build a burrow in her mattress before someone could extricate them. My father begged her to stop feeding them, but at that point, it was moot. They knew there was food to be had. No matter what time of day it was, there were always a few of them sitting out there, waiting. Babcia passed away shortly thereafter (due to non-squirrel-related causes), and we wondered what the new tenants would make of their adopted horde of furry infiltrators.

At least the crack whores never tried to nest in her bed.

That I know of.

The squirrels in Ann Arbor were really ballsy, too. I used to see them carrying off whole bagels, looking like a chihuahua fetching a life preserver. There was one I often saw around campus with a broken tail and one eye missing. I'm telling you, they were hardcore. They normally weren't interested in people unless they were offering food, but I could sometimes coax them really close to me by crouching down and making squeaking noises by sucking air through my teeth. Shut up. Anyway, this inspired my then-boyfriend to give me a squirrel whistle as a present. He was trying to be sweet; all he knew that it was made to attract squirrels. He did find it a little odd, he said, that the whistle was designed to imitate the distress call of a young squirrel. But as he was from Long Island, it never occurred to him that the reason someone would want to attract squirrels would be to then shoot them. At first, he didn't even believe me when I told him that lots of people hunt squirrels for meat and sport. But he was convinced, and repulsed, when he heard the accompanying cassette.

And he was utterly horrified when I told him that, while I've never hunted a squirrel, if I ever did, I know how to make shoelaces out of it. I was given the instructions from my friend Becca, and she said her grandfather had indeed used this method to make several pairs of squirrel shoelaces. I haven't had a chance to try it out, but according to Becca's grandpa, squirrel shoelaces will last you twenty years.

How to Make Squirrel Leather Shoelaces

1. Kill a squirrel, or find a very recently deceased one.
2. Skin the squirrel, but DO NOT skin it in the standard slit-throat-to-tail fashion. You want to keep as much of the skin intact as possible. First, cut off the head, tail, and legs. Then, at the head end, run your knife under the skin to separate it from the meat. Very carefully peel the skin back from the body, continuing to cut it free, and turning it inside out as you go, as though you were pulling off a sock. You should be left with a tube of skin, fur side in, with four holes where the feet were.
3. Set the meat aside for later preparation.
4. Make a small wood fire, and collect the ashes.
5. Dig a hole, place the skin in the hole, cover it in ashes, and bury it.
6. Wait two weeks. The ash will produce lye, which will tan the skin.
7. Dig up the skin. If the tanning process has worked, it will not be rotted. It should be somewhat stiff, and the fur will have fallen off.
8. Begin cutting a thin strip (1/4" to 1/8") off one end of the tube of skin. When you have gone once around the tube, continue the cut in spiral fashion. Go around the foot holes, and all the way down the tube, so that you are left with one long string of squirrel leather.
9. Cut to desired length, and enjoy your squirrel shoelaces!

Now, if you'd like to make a special item of your very own, but have in mind something a little less deceased, why not a t-shirt? Neighborhoodies will make an amazing one-of-a-kind custom piece as per your specs (and I can vouch for the awesomeness of the finished products), or you can submit your design to Threadless and if you're lucky, they'll print it for the masses. Or, you can just pick up something rad from PalmerCash and pass it off as your own idea. Who's going to rat on you, this guy?

Or, maybe you're like me, and find that taking apart formerly living things and looking at their insides is in fact right up your alley. I realize that I can't say this and not have it sound totally insane, but I'm fascinated by what are normally considered to be the more ghoulish aspects of biology. The blood, the guts, the skin and bones. Parthenogenesis to putrefaction, and everything in between. I think the workings of the body are intriguing to study, and endlessly engaging to look at. I've even thought about becoming a medical illustrator, and I still might. At the zoo, I have no problem cutting up worms (we keep them in the fridge, in a crisper drawer full of soil), and I kind of get a kick out of tossing baby mice to the turtles, or watching a snake swallow a rat whole. And I loved dissecting fetal pigs in high school biology. I found it amazing that this lump of meat was ever so recently a living, breathing, animal. I mean, isn't it all just totally rad?

Isn't it?

Okay, maybe it isn't. After all, as Emo Phillips said, "I used to think that the brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, 'look who's telling me that!'"

There's really nothing else to say after that.

Highly Improbable

2005-07-19T14:30:00.000-04:00

..but who am I to argue? After all, Internet knows best.

Your IQ Is 135

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

It's Friday... and You Ain't Got Shit to Do

2005-07-15T11:42:00.000-04:00

Hello, and welcome to the 2nd Weekly Kitties Are the Best Potluck.

As seems to happen every Friday, your hostess with the mostest here at KATB finds herself with a wealth of topics and a dearth of in-depth commentary. So have a taste of whatever looks good, snag a couple of those deviled eggs, and enjoy.

For one thing, I said earlier that I would periodically post about various cartoonists and illustrators I enjoy. And I will. But the thing is, I'm really lazy. Also, you shouldn't necessarily leave it up to me. I may or may not have terrible taste. I'm no Sister Wendy. So in the meantime, I recommend you check in with the delicious-and-nutritious Drawn (thanks again, Smautumn). I'll be adding it to the list on the right for your added convenience.

And you know, Smautumn, you're going up there too. Good luck with the aliens.

Then, there's Golden Fleece. I told you I'd tell you. If you're looking for something that can really scrub your pots and pans that's not too abrasive for Teflon-coated cookware - and who isn't? - I recommend these. I first used them while visiting my friend Ange in Michigan. I tried to pick some up the next time I went to the grocery store, and couldn't find them. I started looking in other grocery stores, drug stores, hardware stores... nothing. Finally, I asked Ange, and found out she'd gotten them at Meijer. Curses. (If you're not from the select section of the midwest where Meijer is ubiquitous, you don't know what you're missing. If you're a former Michigander like me, though, every time you find yourself in need of three pounds of ground chuck, a can of spackle, a Boston fern, a nice Riesling, a digital camera, a couple of tubes of personal lubricant, a kiddie pool, a refill on your penicillin, a pair of pants, a cockatiel, and the new Harry Potter, and you're low on gas, and it's 3:30 in the morning on Thanksgiving, you rue the day you ever shunned Meijer's cornucopian charms.) Since I was living nowhere near a Meijer at the time, I left the pans in the sink to soak for a couple more months, and made sporadic attempts in my quest for Golden Fleece whenever I could. Finally, when I was visiting my aunt and uncle in New York, I found some in a hardware store. I bought ten packs, because you never know.

Also, I'm known in some circles as a bit of a do-gooder. And it's true, I do tend to get all het up about little things: humanitarian crises, world hunger, poverty, and social injustice. I give a pretty good chunk of my cash to various organizations, and in fact, I work for a nonprofit, which shall remain nameless here in order to protect the innocent (and me). But I think the thing I'm most passionate about, more than preventing criminalization of abortion, or advocating mandatory gay marriage, or even hearting kitties, is the eradication of public celebrity ugliness. Seriously. This is the kind of thing that makes Baby Jesus cry.

Let's see. What else? Well, in two weeks, I'll be heading to San Francisco, which, at 2,817.95 miles by Mapquest's reckoning, essentially could not be any farther away and still be in the continental US, for the much-anticipated wedding of my dear friends Sarah and Jeremy. Don't judge him by that photo, though. He's normally the happiest guy you've ever met. He hugs with both arms and at least one leg; two if you can support his weight. No, he's just sad in that picture because he was missing Sarah while she was at our girly reunion weekend this March. He probably wouldn't have enjoyed it, anyway. It was pretty mundane, really. We spent most of our time cooking, taking walks on the beach, knitting, and so on.

And finally, I guess we'll wind this up with a comment from Ben Jones, one of the stars of the original Dukes of Hazzard (you see, it was a TV show back in the day, kids), on the new film version:

Ben Jones, a former Georgia congressman who played the wisecracking mechanic on the popular series from 1979-85, said profanity and sexual content in the film make a mockery of the family friendly show.

"Basically, they trashed our show," said Jones, who now lives in the mountains of Washington, Va. "It's one thing to do whatever movie they want to do, but to take a classic family show and do that is like taking "I Love Lucy" and making her a crackhead or something."

Jones said he read a script of the movie, which is scheduled to be released next month, and that it contained profanity, "constant sexual innuendo and some very clear sexual situations."

On Wednesday, Jones wrote an open letter to fans on his web site, cootersplace.com, urging them to stay away.

"From all I have seen and heard, the "Dukes" movie is a sleazy insult to all of us who have cared about the "Dukes of Hazzard" for so long ... ," Jones wrote. "Unless they clean it up before the August 5th release date I would strongly recommend that true blue Dukes fans hold their noses and pass this one up."

Dude.

First of all, your name was "Cooter".

And secondly, if Daisy wasn't the living, breathing epitome of sexual innuendo, then I'm packing up my cooter and going home.

Aight. I'm out.

My Adidas

2005-07-14T17:27:00.000-04:00

I know, I'm poor. But I'm always poor. And when these bad boys are 40% off, the only correct answer is, "Yes, please."

Hot damn. I've got Sambas.

I've been in love with these for some 15 years, maybe 20. Run-DMC used to rock the shell-toes, but for me, it was always about the Sambas. Maybe it's that classic look. Or maybe it's the pleasant associations with the hotness that is soccer boys.

All I know is, I am now officially "fly".

This Land is My Land

2005-07-13T19:17:00.000-04:00

And This Land is Your Land

This, That, and the Other Thing

2005-07-13T13:56:00.000-04:00

This:
Ah, meds. I got my prescription refilled, and took yesterday off to sleep through most of the badness, and I'm back in the saddle today, a little shaky still, but soon to be fine, I hope.

Now, I'm happy with continuing to take these meds for the time being. I don't have problems with the negative effects that cause other people to want to quit them: I can feel normal emotions like happiness, I haven't had any noticeable sexual side-effects, and so on. But I've been reading a great deal about SSRI withdrawal, and from what I've read (and briefly experienced), when I do decide to stop taking them, it's going to be an awful, awful hell.

So I've got that to look forward to.

That:
I had another interview today, which I think went well. I just don't know anymore. I'm getting a little dazed with putting all these applications out there, and interviewing, and having people come to me with quasi-offers, and still trying to do my current job and plan for the future in this position, because I don't know what's going to happen or when, if anything indeed happens at all.

I hate when things are up in the air like this, especially something as crucial as my job. I'm so discouraged.

The Other Thing:
Fuck this noise. Look - penguins!

Better Living Through Chemistry

2005-07-11T16:00:00.000-04:00

You're welcome to read this, but really, this post is primarily for my own benefit.

As you probably know, I take crazy pills. Lexapro, in specific. I have depression, you see, and have been struggling with it for most of my life. There have been a few really bad spots, but for a long time, I was generally able to handle it on a daily basis. Then one day, a few years ago, I finally realized that I wasn't really able to handle it at all, anymore. So, after much deliberation, research, and talking with therapists, I decided to take the crazy pills. And they help; I can handle things again. (For those of you who have never experienced crazy pills, they don't make everything into sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, and they're not supposed to. They just make me feel like there's a floor below me, rather than a vast abyss where light and sound and feeling cannot penetrate. Which is nice.)

Now, these pills are not addictive, in the sense that I don't have cravings for them, or want to take more than my regular dosage. Most of the time, I completely forget about them. Which is good, and as it should be... until I find on a Friday that I've almost run out, and can't refill my scrip until Monday. And even if I split my remaining pills so I can have at least partial doses on Friday and Saturday, I'll still have nothing for Sunday.

Because that means that by noon on Monday, I'm a mess.

The catch is that, while they are not addictive, Lexapro and other SSRIs create a strong physical dependency. If you reduce your dosage too rapidly, or (Heaven forfend) quit cold turkey, you may experience what is known as SSRI discontinuation syndrome. As Jerod at Crazy Meds says,

To suddenly stop taking them is to feel so very much worse than you were feeling before you ever considered taking meds. There's a term, "brain shivers." You'll know it if you ever experience it. Mouse and I have kicked opiates and we have kicked SSRIs cold turkey. We'll take the opiate kick.

Having never taken opiates, much less kicked them, I can't vouch for this statement. But I can say without reservations or caveats that sobbing silently at your desk for ten-minute intervals really sucks.

And that I'm really, really glad I didn't have to go more than a weekend without my normal dosage. I did once, when I ran out of my scrip from Chicago, and had to wait a few days to see a doctor here to get a new one. That was the worst I have ever felt in my life, ever. Worse than I could ever have imagined feeling. Words fail.

So, this is a reminder to me: Go get your pills. Take your pills, on time, every day. When you are down to a few days' worth of pills, refill them.

Because you don't want to feel like this again.

Rinse, and Ye Shall Repeat

2005-07-11T09:46:00.000-04:00

Hells, yeah!!!

Let this be a lesson to you all: bitching works.

Even if you're just bitching out into the blogosphere, to no one in particular, bitching gets results. How do I know? Because not two days after bitching about not being able to find My Preeeecccioussssssssssss- ...um... I mean, my favorite shampoo and conditioner, I found it in a Giant in Bethesda. I bought ten bottles - five shampoo/conditioner pairs. They thought I was crazy, and while they're right, this isn't an indication of that. No, buying this shit in bulk is one of the saner things I've ever done. I also found that they have it in stock at Drugstore.com, but I don't know if I can be that dedicated. Ordering $2 shampoo online seems a little obsessive, even to me. But we'll just see how I feel about it when I'm down to my last pair.

OK Computer

2005-07-08T16:45:00.000-04:00

This is why I need a computer at home.

Not because I spend time writing and looking for things to post here when I should be working. You'd think that would bother me, but interestingly enough, it fails to move me.

No, the reason is that when I have to spend a day doing actual work*, I often find myself too disheartened to write, much less stay here after 5:00 to write. And then, sadly (or perhaps it's all for the best), when I do have the time and the inclination, everything that I wanted to write about is forgotten.

So today, I kept a running list of things that popped into my head that I wanted to talk about. Here is the list, as I wrote it:

Things:

Christopher Plummer

Nobody Likes a Smartass

Brush Ups are awesome

So is Nature’s Miracle

And Hendrick’s Gin

And Netflix

And Veronica Mars – mention Salon

I have an interview on the 13th

The one yesterday went well, and boss’s evaluations were fine

I need a vacation like nobody’s business

And this: http://catgaysanonymous.blogspot.com/2005/07/so-last-night-in-class-our-crazy-hole.html and the guy who told me not to mop that way, or I would damage my uterus.

Carolyn Hax

A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Plus, the fact that if I do these things for them too quickly, they will expect everything to be done that quickly. And then, my favorite part – Oh, that thing you were working on for the past hour: just kidding. And to prove that we have no understanding of what it is you’re actually doing, we’re going to have that other person do it on Monday – you know, the one whose reports were wrong, and so you had to correct them, but we couldn’t help you as we had no idea what was wrong or why? You know her? She’ll do it.

Banging head on desk. Can I strangle myself today? Save the mess for home, sez K.

The funny thing is, I find that merely writing this list was nearly as satisfying as actually posting about each of these items individually. I'm tempted to leave it at that. Sorely tempted, indeed. And I'm sure that would be a relief for you, too, Dear Reader. But I can't let you off the hook quite that easily. Besides, it's only 5:11, and there's laundry and a sink full of dishes waiting for me at home. So.

Listin' II: Electric Boogaloo

Christopher Plummer
Mr. Plummer sat next to me on the bus this morning. It probably wasn't really him, but it was fun to pretend it was. I kept stealing sidelong glances, which was tough, because we were sitting at the very back of the bus, side by side, with our backs to the window, and so I had to pretend I was very interested in the "No Smoking, Eating, or Masturbating" sign just past his head. Like I said, though, it was probably just someone who looked like him. Like Ian McKellen.

Nobody Likes a Smartass
So true. One of my favorite bars in Chicago is the Chipp Inn, right around the corner from my old apartment. They have spectacular decor. In addition to their lovely collection of boob mugs, and the amazing rotating Hamm's clock, they have my favorite single item in the world, the one I would choose over everything else to save from a proverbial burning house, a dainty little china plate festooned with a flowery border, that says "Nobody Likes a Smartass".

I want that plate so badly.

But while looking for one (unsuccessfully, boo) on internet - internet has everything, these days - I found a book and a TV show with the same name, and a nice uncyclopedia entry.

No point here; I just love that goddamn plate.

Brush Ups are awesome
They really, really are. They're not like using mouthwash or eating a mint; they actually, really, honest-to-whatever make your mouth smell, taste, and feel as though you just brushed your teeth. I have several packs in my desk drawer. The problem is, they look really weird, and the advertising is lame. I fear that, despite their brilliance, they will never be popular enough to be profitable, and so will be taken off the market. Like my beloved Suave Awapuhi shampoo and conditioner. I can't find that shit anywhere now. And yet it seems they still make it; it's there on the website. Maybe I should bang out an angry letter.

So is Nature’s Miracle
The best example of truth in advertising I know of. If you have pets, don't waste any more time reading this drivel. Buy it, now. When my cats decide to welcome me home from a long trip by pissing on my bed, as is their custom, I just drench the stain in Nature's Miracle. It completely removes the smell, and much of the stain, and leaves no chemical-y perfume behind. I've tried other stuff when I ran out of N's M. Now, I make sure to avoid that by buying the 80-gallon drum.

No, it doesn't really come in a drum. But, oh, how I wish it did.

And Hendrick’s Gin
If you like gin, you will love Hendrick's. If you hate gin, you will still love Hendrick's. It's delish.

And Netflix
Um. That's really all that needs to be said. It's the eighteenth best thing that ever happened to me.

And Veronica Mars – mention Salon
I'll go on about Veronica later. Suffice it to say that I'd kiss her at a party.

The reason I told myself to "mention Salon", though, was that I've been meaning to write about Products I Heart for a while, and then, lo and behold, Salon does it first. But you know, that's cool. Oh, and that reminds me, one of these days, I have to tell you all about Choreboy Golden Fleece.

I have an interview on the 13th
I do. And thanks to everyone for your ongoing well-wishing. I'll remember you when I'm huge.

The one yesterday went well, and boss’s evaluations were fine
It did, and they were.

I need a vacation like nobody’s business
And while I'm wishing, I also want a pony and a million dollars. Make that two ponies.

And this: http://catgaysanonymous.blogspot.com/2005/07/so-last-night-in-class-our-crazy-hole.html and the guy who told me not to mop that way, or I would damage my uterus.
Not much to tell, really. As always, you should be reading Lisi's blog, and yes, when I was closing up one night at Hardee's, back when I was but a young thing, this old guy came up to me and told me I shouldn't wipe such wide arcs with the mop, because it could hurt my uterus somehow. I can't remember exactly what his particular concern was - tangling my fallopian tubes, or some such. As I recall, I told him that, since I already had ovarian cysts and a tipped uterus, I would continue to mop my own way.

Sheesh.

Carolyn Hax
I have a minor addiction to advice columns, but there are only a few columnists who both give solid advice and write well. Dan Savage, of course, and also, Miss Manners and Carolyn Hax. I didn't really have a point to that, either, I guess.

See, this is why it's good that I don't make lists. It prevents you from having to read every last thought that flits through my little brain, most of which, as you can see, consist of "Ooh, shiny."

Moving right along...

A failure to plan on your part...
You don't need to read that again.

Banging head on desk. Can I strangle myself today? Save the mess for home, sez K.
I honestly did bang my head on my desk today, out of sheer frustration. I also asked out loud, but to no one in particular, "Is today the day I get to strangle myself? Or is that later?" That was my coworker's reply.

And she's right. Because you just know that if I was found putrefying at my desk on Monday, they'd probably make her clean me up.

Okeedoke. I'm bored now, and I'm certain you are. If you read all the way down to here, you need a break. Go take a walk; get some air. Come back in the morning, and we can start fresh and pretend this never happened, all right?

Peace out.

P.S. Kitties!

*Please note: the term actual work merely indicates the million pointless little chores which I am called upon to do here each day, and should not be construed to signify accomplishments of any past, present, or future value to anyone.

Revved Up Like a Dooce

2005-07-08T11:19:00.000-04:00

Remember that favor I did you all a while back, introducing you to my cousin Ali's blog? You never thanked me for it, you know. You probably never even read it, did you? Well, whatevs, people. Whatevs. But because I'm such a sweetheart, I'm here to help you out again.

Meet Dooce.

Yes, she's beautiful, and if you looked at Ali's blog, you might have already found out that she's also kick-ass and hilarious. I had checked out her site a couple of times myself, but when I was writing about crazy bosses and just happened to Google up this, I realized I had found a keeper. I also realized that I should probably keep my yap shut about work if I intend to have any job at all, much less one of my preference.

I mean, I won't, but I totally should.

Anyway, just read about her, and do check out the mastheads, and if you're not completely satisfied, fuck you.

Heart of Dorkness

2005-07-07T18:18:00.000-04:00

If, as you live your life, you find yourself mentally composing blog entries about it, post this exact same sentence in your weblog.

Thanks, Allan.

On Tenterhooks

2005-07-07T14:47:00.000-04:00

I had my second interview with X about the China-IndoBurma position today. As far as I can tell, it went pretty well. At the end, he asked me if I had yet met (by phone) with the two in-country program people (who would essentially be my bosses). I said I hadn't, because the other interviewers had wanted to wait until they were here to sit in on the call. He said, "Okay, well - we definitely want to get this position filled, but they [the program people] will be the ones who make the decision." Being stupidly optimistic as I am, I took that to mean that he liked me, and if it were up to him, he'd hire me, but that I will have to wait for their approval.

But he also said that, since they haven't worked with me at all, if they decide they are serious about me, they would want to inquire with my current boss about my performance.

Oy.

This is the woman who, until very recently, called me into her office on a daily basis on whatever pretext so that she could tell me I wasn't working hard enough. And who, when I tried to reassure her that, although I may have been doing things differently than she would have, I nonetheless cared about my work and was not merely doing a half-assed job, responded, "Well, I do think you're doing a half-assed job." And who took away the vast majority of my responsibilities because she said she couldn't trust me to do them, only to give them back to me upon discovering that I am the only person who knows how to do a good deal of them.

Then again, she really is almost like a different person now, ever since the HR debacle. She asks me to do things, and listens to my explanations, and smiles at me, and everything. And when we did my performance review, she admonished me for being too hard on myself and not highlighting my accomplishments, so...

Who knows?

Update:
At least I don't have to wait too long to find out how my boss will rate my job performance. In fact, I am this very minute waiting for her to finish typing up her comments on my performance review, so I can sign off on it. If it's good, I'm heading to the bar, and if it's bad, I'm heading to the bar.

As I'm Sure You Know...

2005-07-07T13:59:00.000-04:00

...the BBC has plenty of coverage of the bombings in London, as does the Guardian.

On the radio this morning, one of the BBC broadcasters was mentioning the fact that, sadly, the UK is no stranger to terrorist bombings, especially due to IRA activities in recent decades. It reminded me of a comment I heard - also on the BBC, if I'm not mistaken - shortly after the World Trade Center attacks: that the rest of the world could truly commiserate with the U.S., particularly because so many other cities (like London, Dresden, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and the entire Middle East, for starters) have experienced their own large-scale catastrophes. I'm sure that the reporter making this comment meant it only in the most sympathetic way, but I couldn't help but hear, possibly because I was already thinking it, a subtle tinge of smug schadenfreude, or at very least a certain jaded superiority, about the Big Bad US of A finally learning that it's no more invincible than anyone else.

And all I kept thinking, then and now, is: "We're so fucking lucky, and we have no conception of how very fucking lucky we are."

Rawk Awn!

2005-07-06T16:30:00.000-04:00

Hope hope hope hope hope hope hope...

Dear Bonnie -

Thank you for submitting your resume and cover letter for consider. I would be very interested in interviewing you for the Regional Coordinator for Asia position in CEPF.

I will be back in the office and available after July 11, please let me know what date and time would work for you.

Regards,

X

And this is actually a different position from the one below.

So.

Rawk the Jawb Hunt

2005-07-06T10:40:00.000-04:00

Hope hope hope hope hope...

Bonnie,

X would like to meet with you on Thursday for a short interview for the China and Indo-Burma Regional fundraiser position. Please contact Y to set up a meeting with X on Thursday, July 7. I will not have returned from China yet; please let me know once the meeting has been scheduled. Please provide X the applications materials you previously provided me. Thanks!

Regards,
Z

Such A Perfect Day

2005-07-05T17:19:00.000-04:00

If only every day could be this one...

Thanks, Liss.

Will Work For Pay

2005-07-05T16:01:00.000-04:00

It doesn't seem that unreasonable, does it?

So, my "interview" today was great, or lousy, depending on how you look at it.

I talked with the head of foundations, and the story is this: there will be a position posted tomorrow, at the manager level (one up from where I am). He says he doesn't think I'm quite ready for such a position, and frankly, I don't either, nor am I really interested it. Nonetheless, he strongly encouraged me to apply for it as soon as possible, because he says they've had a dearth of smart, qualified applicants for other positions they've posted lately, and if this round is anything like recent ones, they will probably be able to hire me at coordinator level and help me work up to manager.

I mean, in a way, he's basically saying they want me to work for them, and they'll do everything they can to make the available position fit me, which is rad.

But in another way, he's basically saying that I'm not what they're looking for, but they'll take me because I'm slightly better than all the other chumps who apply, which is kind of lame.

And: no word from either of the jobs I interviewed for, and two more positions posted today, which I am about to apply for.

Bleah.

Smarmy of Me

2005-07-05T15:43:00.000-04:00

And here's one of the crucial elements in my getting zero things done today: yet another retarded "Who Are You?" quiz.

Which rock chick are you? Personally, I think you're totally Nancy Wilson, but there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

Besoboru

2005-07-05T15:39:00.000-04:00

Just one hour and twenty minutes to go, and I will have pitched a perfect no-work day. Nobody talk to me.

Doggies Are the Beast

2005-07-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

And speaking of the works of George A. Romero, click on the cute puppy here to check out some real-life zombie dogs...

Hot tip: "Boffin" means "sciencey-guy".

Oh, and thanks, Smautumn.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2005-07-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Friday, I slept well past noon, got up, went to visit Min, where we drank, played his trumpet and flute, ate pizza, played Scrabble (and I kicked ass), and then went to see Land of the Dead.

On Saturday, I spent 8(!) hours in transit, trying to get to Anne and Rich's house in Philly. We then hung out, ate, drank, talked, played with the kitties and sock monkeys, and hit the hay.

On Sunday, I went home, played with reptiles and amphibians at the zoo, got to cuddle the Northern Pine Snake, then headed into B'more, where I ate, drank, talked, and danced my ass off at the Ottobar.

On Monday, the 4th, I slept late, went to a barbecue, climbed a tree, drank, ate, went swimming in a river in my underwear, saw a bunch of fireworks on the drive back, hung out, ate and drank some more, and slept the entire bus ride home.

I'm exhausted, but it was truly the best weekend ever.

Yes, Miss Liss!

2005-06-30T16:53:00.000-04:00

I'll do anything Lisi says, basically. So, at her behest, I've answered the following questionnaire. I left out the book-related questions that are already answered in another post.

Total number of films I own on DVD and video: Um, let’s say somewhere in the neighborhood of 50.

Last film I bought: Eddie Izzard: Glorious. It's good, but you should watch Dress to Kill instead.

Last film I watched: Howl’s Moving Castle. It's good, but you should watch Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away or Nausicaa or My Neighbor Totoro instead.

Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order): The Wizard of Oz, The Princess Bride, The Apartment, Happiness, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. They're all good, and you should watch them all. And if you've seen them, you should watch them again.

If I could be any character portrayed in a movie, I would be: Chiyoko Fujiwara, from Millennium Actress.

Total volume of music on my computer: “My” computer?

Last CD I bought: Everything Is Nice, a 3-CD compilation from Matador. 3 CDs, and I got it for $10. You can't beat that with a stick.

Song currently playing: The death knell of my will to carry on.

Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order): Here Comes Your Man, Pixies; Cold-Blooded Old Times, Smog; Gloomy Sunday, Billie Holiday; Satellite, Elvis Costello; The Girl with the Flaxen Hair, Claude Debussy.

Okay, now you go.

The World of Work

2005-06-30T16:17:00.000-04:00

Until very recently, my current boss had a habit of calling me into her office to yell at me for not being able to read her mind about some inane thing she wanted done in her own sociopathic little way, and she would always wrap it up by saying, "...you'll learn this when you get more experience in the world of work."

Now, I've been in the "world of work" since I was 14. I've been exposed to many different kinds of bosses and coworkers. And the one absolute I've learned is that everyone does things differently.

Is it any wonder that I'd like to make her my former boss as soon as is humanly possible? To be fair, she has somehow managed to suppress this and various other repellant behaviors after the whole HR debacle. But nonetheless, if it's experience in the "world of work" I need, then I suppose I should go and get it. Elsewhere.

So, no response back from either of the people I interviewed with yet. That makes me nervous, and I'm afraid I fucked up the Asia one by asking for a pre-decision answer. But I talked to the guy from foundation relations yesterday, so they could determine my level of interest, and I have an appointment on Tuesday to talk with him and his boss about possible openings. So, there's that. Keep up with the luck-wishing.

The Sound of Music

2005-06-30T16:14:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I sing a little song to myself. It goes something like this:

Oh, strangle, strangle, strangle,
'Til you just can't strangle no more...

It's short, but very expressive, I think.

Michigander

2005-06-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

You Know You're From Michigan When...

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
You can identify an Ohio accent.
Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
Owning a Japanese car is a hanging offense in your hometown.
You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
You bake with soda and drink pop.
You drive 75 on the highway and you pass on the right.
Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.
Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
You know what a millage is.
Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.
You know what a "Yooper" is.
Your car rusts out before you need the brakes done.
Half the people you know say they are from Detroit... yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit.
"Up North" means north of Clare.
You know what a pastie is.
You occasionally cheer "Go Lions- and take the Tigers with you."
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
At least 25% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
You don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
You know more about chill factors and lake effect than you'd EVER like to know!
Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."
You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.
You never watch the Weather Channel - you can just assume they're wrong.
The snowmen you make in your front yard actually freeze. Solid.
The snow freezes so hard that you can actually walk across it and not break it or leave any marks.
All your shoes are called "tennis shoes", even though no one here plays tennis anyway.
Your major school field trip includes camping and cross-country skiing.
Half your friends have a perfect sledding hill right in their own backyard.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Michigan.

Yer not from 'round here, are yeh?

Takin' What They're Givin'

2005-06-28T12:56:00.000-04:00

Ah, work.

Well, as always, my current position is an ongoing hell. Okay, not hell. It was indeed a hell before. Now it's just a major annoyance and a fruitless effort. Yay. But I'm getting myself out, one way or another.

The position that I'm really hoping to get, the Asia grants one, is the one I won't hear about until August, but the other one, which I would also gladly take, believe me, will supposedly be getting back to me by the end of the week. So I just sent this email to the folks who interviewed me for the Asia job:

Hi X and Y -
Thanks so much for meeting with me last week. I really enjoyed the chance to learn more about the workings of CI and I'm excited about the position. I know that you're both fairly busy in the immediate future, but I wonder if in the meantime, you might be able to give me some idea of how seriously I am being considered. I understand that you cannot make a definite statement yet, but it would be helpful to have a general sense of what is possible, in the event that another position becomes available to me. Of course, if you simply can't say, that's fine. In any case, thanks again for your time, and I wish you the best of luck in finding the right person.
- Bonnie

I realize it's a little pushy, but I'm hoping that it will demonstrate that I'm interested enough that I would forego other opportunities for this position. And they did ask me to apply, so I think it's reasonable to assume they're fairly interested in me. Anyway, not two seconds after sending this, someone from another team came over and said, "Hey, I've heard that you are looking for another position here, and I'm wondering if you might be interested in something in our department." Um, yeah! So, I'm supposed to hear more about that later today.

I have to say, it's nice to find that I have such a good reputation around here that other departments are actively recruiting me. I'm a hot property!

But don't stop with the good-luck-wishing! I need it! Or if you're all out of good will, I ask that you at very least refrain from actively wishing me harm. Thanks.

I Was Touched by His Noodly Appendage

2005-06-24T16:25:00.000-04:00

Open Letter to Kansas School Board

Dork.

2005-06-24T16:05:00.000-04:00

Catblog Friday

2005-06-24T15:15:00.000-04:00

For the Friday Ark at Modulator…

Sure, you know that people can be catgay. You may even be catgay yourself; I know I am. But did you know that cats can also be catgay? It’s true! In fact, some of the catgayest people I know are cats.

Egon and Kevin are prime examples.

Check it out.

They’re so in love.

And now they’re in the bedroom!

Oh, my. This is getting a little naughty…

Caught!

But don’t be ashamed, boys. Say it loud: I’m me-owt and I’m proud!

A Ben Among Bens

2005-06-24T14:13:00.000-04:00

There are many Bens in my life, but Ben Claassen is one of my favorites. He draws wonderful cartoons that make me happy.

Despite the fact that he drives around in a large white unmarked van, he's actually a really nice guy, and it's totally okay to take candy from him, or even get in and go for a ride. I've done it and lived to tell the tale. Plus, he knows Wil Wheaton. He and his girlfriend came to visit me at the zoo the other day (Ben, not Wil Wheaton). We got a beer. We drew pictures. Good times. You should totally buy his stuff now, before he becomes even famouser than he already is.

Oh, Hell Yes.

2005-06-23T15:33:00.000-04:00

Your Daddy Is Johnny Depp

What You Call Him: Big Daddy
Why You Love Him: He knows best

Who's Your Daddy?

Not an Excuse, Just an Explanation

2005-06-23T10:29:00.000-04:00

See, this is why I majored in Linguistics. I find this kind of crap fascinating.

Your Linguistic Profile:
55% General American English
20% Upper Midwestern
20% Yankee
5% Dixie
0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Art Intimates Life

2005-06-22T17:44:00.000-04:00

Well, now I've done it.

I wrote a post about Keef, and suddenly I feel guilty for not giving props to all the other wonderful cartoonists I love. So I will.

This a great one - Mutts, by Patrick McDonnell. (And let's pause for station identification and acknowledge that the charming image to our left here is under his 2005 copyright. I did not obtain permission to use this, but if anyone from King Features Syndicate should happen to visit, please do not sue. I will gladly remove it.)

(Okay, to be honest, I will sadly remove it. But I will.)

His drawings are so fluid and expressive. And retardedly cute. And his writing can be a bit twee, but often gently clever and even quite poignant, although my saying so almost makes it sound even more twee. Plus, he supports animal welfare organizations, and writes strips encouraging people to adopt from shelters. I'm fer it.

But I'll stop telling you what I think and let you judge for yourself.

And I highly recommend taking a look at the tributes to various works of popular and comic art that he includes in his Sunday title panels.

Oh, and I'm a geek.

Keep Those Fingers Crossed

2005-06-22T13:50:00.000-04:00

My second interview went really well, too.
Film at 11:00.

My Knight in Ink-Stained Armor

2005-06-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

I confess: I'm in love with Keith Knight. (Although he probably hates me for stealing his cartoon and pasting it here.) I've started doing a little happy dance every time his K Chronicles are in Salon, and I have a special fondness for his Life's Little Victories. Now, I've discovered his blog, and love that too, of course. If you like cartoons, or even if you don't, I think you should check him out.

Kitties Are the Best!

2005-06-22T10:18:00.000-04:00

This is utterly unbelievable!

Lions Rescue Beaten Ethiopian Girl

by Anthony Mitchell

June 21, 2005 | Addis Ababa, Ethiopia -- A 12-year-old girl who was abducted and beaten by men trying to force her into a marriage was found being guarded by three lions who apparently had chased off her captors, a policeman said Tuesday.

The girl, missing for a week, had been taken by seven men who wanted to force her to marry one of them, said Sgt. Wondimu Wedajo, speaking by telephone from the provincial capital of Bita Genet, about 350 miles southwest of Addis Ababa.

She was beaten repeatedly before she was found June 9 by police and relatives on the outskirts of Bita Genet, Wondimu said. She had been guarded by the lions for about half a day, he said.

"They stood guard until we found her and then they just left her like a gift and went back into the forest," Wondimu said.

"If the lions had not come to her rescue, then it could have been much worse. Often these young girls are raped and severely beaten to force them to accept the marriage," he said.

Tilahun Kassa, a local government official who corroborated Wondimu's version of the events, said one of the men had wanted to marry the girl against her wishes.

"Everyone thinks this is some kind of miracle, because normally the lions would attack people," Wondimu said.

Stuart Williams, a wildlife expert with the rural development ministry, said the girl may have survived because she was crying from the trauma of her attack.

"A young girl whimpering could be mistaken for the mewing sound from a lion cub, which in turn could explain why they didn't eat her," Williams said.

Ethiopia's lions, famous for their large black manes, are the country's national symbol and adorn statues and the local currency. Despite a recent crackdown, Hunters also kill the animals for their skins, which can fetch $1,000. Williams estimates that only 1,000 Ethiopian lions remain in the wild.

The girl, the youngest of four siblings, was "shocked and terrified" after her abduction and had to be treated for the cuts from her beatings, Wondimu said.

He said police had caught four of the abductors and three were still at large.

Kidnapping young girls has long been part of the marriage custom in Ethiopia. The United Nations estimates that more than 70 percent of marriages in Ethiopia are by abduction, practiced in rural areas where most of the country's 71 million people live.

A Chicken Walks into a Library...

2005-06-21T17:44:00.000-04:00

...and goes up to the librarian and says, "Booo-ook, book, book?" And so the librarian gives her three books, and the chicken leaves with them.
The next day, the chicken comes back, returns the books, and says, "Booooo-ook, book, book, book." So the librarian give her four more books, and the chicken leaves with them.
The next day, the chicken comes back, returns the books, and says, "Boooo-ook, book, book, book, book!" So the librarian gives her five books, and the chicken leaves.
But this time the librarian decides to find out what the chicken is doing with all these books.
So she follows the chicken down the street, and into the park, and up to the edge of the pond, where a frog is sitting.
The chicken holds up the books for the frog one by one, and each time, the frog says, "Read it. Read it. Read it."

I just realized that joke doesn't work in writing (and I suppose it's debatable whether it works at all), because the read I mean is the past tense, which sounds like red, rather than the imperative or command form, which sounds like reed, but there's no way to tell that by looking at the word. It's supposed to sound like a frog, you see. Ribbit... read it. You know. But if you read it as imperative, then the whole thing becomes kind of sad. Why won't the chicken just read the poor frog the damn books? Is she just taunting him by bringing them all the way to the pond? Maybe she can't read, either. Maybe he can, and he's taunting her. I don't know what it means, but whatever it is, I don't like it.

Anyhoo...

Ali says I should tell you about books. Here goes:

(1) Number of books I own: No idea. A related question is the number of bookshelves I own, which is zero. So, I'm trying to picture the piles right now. Let's say seven stacks, maybe eight, and there have to be 30 or 40 books in each stack, so between 200 and 300. Maybe more. That's probably close. If you really want to know, I can go count. There are also more at my parents' house, and in the lending diaspora.

(2) Last book bought: Rats : Observations on the History and Habitat of the City's Most Unwanted Inhabitants, by Robert Sullivan. I love seeing rats in the city, honestly, and was psyched to find that someone else apparently does, too. I haven't finished it, but it's pretty good so far.

(3) Last book I read: Same, if we count those in progress, but I'm also in the midst of reading several others, including We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda, by Philip Gourevitch, and Phantoms in the Brain : Probing the Mysteries of the Human Mind, by V. S. Ramachandran. Apparently, I like colons in my titles. The last one I finished was The Fermata, by Nicholson Baker.
It's naughty.

(4) Five books that mean a lot to me (and not the five that mean the most, necessarily):

Matilda, by Roald Dahl. I've read it a bajillion times. I still do, occasionally. It taught me that no, it wasn't just me; childhood does in fact generally suck, contrary to what you may have heard from Disney, and it can even be hellish, and sometimes adults remember that, and understand, and they hate those brats who torment you as much as you do, and although they don't have all the answers either, and often can't really help at all, someday, things will probably get better.
(And they did.)

How the Mind Works, by Steven Pinker. I read it because I loved The Language Instinct, and it totally blew me away. I won't go quite as far as to say it changed my life, but that wouldn't be too far off. It definitely solidified and clarified my thinking about the world and my approach to life.

The Stranger, by Albert Camus. I fell hopelessly in love with it instantly. It's lovely and perfect. Simply a beautiful, beautiful book. And every time I tell someone this, they think I'm a psychopath, so that's fun, too.

Child of God, by Cormack McCarthy. Same as above. I'm really not a psychopath, though, I swear.

Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls. As I recall, it's the first book that made me cry. It also got me interested in biology. And in both cases, it was due to the part about the disemboweled puppy.
Huh.

Okay, Lisi. Your turn.

One Down...

2005-06-21T17:05:00.000-04:00

...one to go.

This one went well. Both of the interviewers were somewhere between laid-back and reserved, so it's hard to gauge, but I think I did fine. The position would be great. I would basically spend my time traveling to the areas in Asia where we're working, learning about the work we're doing, and then writing about it to convince people to fund it. I would also probably learn some Chinese. Or Vietnamese, or Khmer, or perhaps a smattering of several.

Rad.

On the other hand, I don't know whether they've had any other applicants, and if so, what they're like. Also, the guy who interviewed me will be leaving for China tomorrow for two weeks, and then the woman will be gone for the month of July. So, in August, I may or may not have a second interview with the program people. In the meantime, it's kind of up in the air.

Ah, well.

Number two at lunch tomorrow.

Keep It Comin'!

2005-06-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

Okay, wish me more luck. I have another pseudo-interview tomorrow at noon, to work in the same department I'm talking with today, but in web/communications.

If only I could get paid to write boring blog posts with inane photos attached.

Like this one...

Aren't those dinosaurs wacky? It's just like your office, isn't it?

You see, it's funny because it's true.

Wish Me Luck

2005-06-21T10:46:00.000-04:00

I've got an interview, sort of, for another position here this afternoon. Basically, I'd be helping give out money to projects in Asia, and monitoring the progress on projects we've already funded. I'd be much more involved in the actual work we do, which would be rad. On the downside, I don't speak Chinese, which would be really helpful. But apparently, they need someone soon, so they're at least willing to talk to me.

Meanwhile, I've been thinking a lot about what my dream job would be. It's hard for me to define, because there are a number of different things I enjoy doing. I wouldn't want to do any one thing all the time. I'd love to have a job where I would have to do a research paper one week, and then create a web site the next, and then travel to Madagascar to tag lemurs, and then draw illustrations of all the lemurs I saw, and then design a database system, and then, oh, maybe host a benefit dinner.

If you know of anything like that, give me a holler, would you?

What about you? What would your dream job be?

Whatev's

2005-06-20T17:30:00.000-04:00

Um, sure. Baltimore. Why not?

I've got friends there, it's cheap, it's close (relatively) to DC, even closer to Anne and Rich and Ken and Julie, and you can get a mean pierogi.

Fuck it, I'm in.*

*This statement is not legally binding.

Look on the Bright Side

2005-06-16T16:38:00.000-04:00

A couple of days ago, I was having an otherwise normal and pleasant work-life-stuff conversation with a friend, when I found myself uttering these words:

“I’m living in a city I hate, in order to work at a job I hate, and I’m paying way too much to do it.”

And I then had a moment of Horrible Realization: My Life Sucks.
I mean, I’ve known all of these things all along; I’ve been watching my job deteriorate daily, and my living situation is in no danger of becoming more pleasant or cheaper. I know all this, and I’ve been trying to change some things.

But that was the moment when I suddenly realized that everything is now utterly beyond repair. That was the moment when I finally accepted that my Big Plan to move to DC for my dream job has been a failure – there’s no nicer word for it – and that I’ve got to figure out something else, and quick, because I can’t continue like this.

So, what now?

I’ve already been applying for every job here at my current organization that I could even remotely take a stab at. We’re about to start a new fiscal year, and so there are a number of new positions in next year’s budget that are being posted now. I figure that all the new opportunities will be posted by the end of June, and if none of them pan out for me, I’m giving up here.

I’ve also enrolled in the Science in the Evening program at University of Maryland, so that someday, I can perhaps become a conservation biologist, or an evolutionary psychologist, or a stripper.

So, that’s all good. But…

If I don’t get another job here, I have no reason to stay in DC. And having a job here isn’t such a compelling reason to stay in DC, anyway. So, where would I go? I love Baltimore, I have friends there, and it’s much cheaper. Also, that would put me closer to school.

But if that’s my reasoning, well, I also love Chicago, and have friends there too, and it’s also much cheaper, and I could probably enroll in similar classes in any one of the colleges there.

Then again, before I got hired here, I almost took a job in New York. So maybe that’s an avenue I should pursue again. I would love to live there, but that would be a whole different atmosphere. And it would definitely be more expensive.

And for all that, I could just chuck it all and make a living spanging in Barcelona.

Buh.

You see, the problem is that I made this decision to leave my old job, leave Chicago, and move to DC, because I thought it would be better. I thought it would make me happy. And it didn’t. But now, as frustrated and disappointed as I am, I’m reluctant to make any more changes for fear of making things even worse.

It’s the devil you know vs. the devil you don’t.

Thoughts?

Oh, Dear

2005-06-16T10:20:00.000-04:00

This is MY Country, Grandest On Earth!

2005-06-15T16:25:00.000-04:00

When I was in high school, I remember learning that Washington, District of Columbia, is not actually a state. I remember our teacher told us this in a sort of "isn't that interesting, and here's a neat story about a wacky squirrel who can waterski" way. Our nation was founded on the precept of No Taxation Without Representation, and yet our very own capital does not, in fact, have representation. And we are indeed taxed.

It's really an arresting idea, and yet I think it's fair to say that most people either don't know or don't care. In fact, it was a final Jeopardy question the other night - Final category: American License Plates. Answer: one of its official license plates bears the motto "Taxation without Representation." One of the contestants guessed Puerto Rico.

I myself didn't give it any thought until I moved here just before a presidential election. Now I think about it all the time, and it pisses me off.

Every time I get an email petition or a plea to write to "my" congressperson about some pressing issue, I curse DC. I used to respond to every one, and now I just delete them, and feel frustrated and helpless. This must be the way more cynical people feel all the time: "Sure, I could try, but what difference would it make?"

And those cynics would probably say that representation is all graft and corruption anyway, and essentially, none of us are truly represented.

But I hate it.

I Want My PBS

2005-06-15T15:53:00.000-04:00

These days, I usually can't be bothered to fill out petitions, much less foist them on others, because I live in DC, home of Taxation Without Representation, so Congress doesn't give a shit what I think.

But I think this one's worth a try, at least.

Dear MoveOn member,
You know that email petition that keeps circulating about how Congress is slashing funding for NPR and PBS? Well, now it's actually true. (Really. Check the footnotes if you don't believe us.)

A House panel has voted to eliminate all public funding for NPR and PBS, starting with "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow," and other commercial-free children's shows. If approved, this would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting, threatening to pull the plug on Big Bird, Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch.

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS.

If we can reach 250,000 signatures by the end of the week, we'll put Congress on notice. After you sign the petition, please pass this message along to any friends, neighbors or co-workers who count on NPR and PBS.

The cuts would slash 25% of the federal funding this year—$100 million—and end funding altogether within two years.1 In particular, the loss could kill beloved children's shows like "Sesame Street," "Clifford the Big Red Dog," "Arthur" and "Postcards from Buster." Rural stations and those serving low-income communities might not survive. Other stations would have to increase corporate sponsorships.

This shameful vote is only the latest partisan assault on public TV and radio. The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which exists to shield public TV and radio from political pressure, is now chaired by Kenneth Tomlinson, a staunch Republican close to the White House. Tomlinson has already forced one-sided conservative programs on the air, even though Tomlinson's own surveys show that most people consider NPR "fair and balanced" and they actually trust public broadcasting more than commercial network news.2

Tomlinson also spent taxpayer dollars on a witch-hunt to root out "liberal bias," including a secret investigation of Bill Moyers and PBS' popular investigative show, "NOW." Even though the public paid for the investigation, Tomlinson has refused to release the findings.3

The lawmakers who proposed the cuts aren't just trying to save money in the budget—they're trying to decimate any news outlets who question those in power. This is an ideological attack on our free press.

Talk about bad timing. Every day brings another story about media consolidation. Radio, TV stations and newspapers are increasingly controlled by a few massive corporate conglomerates trying to maximize profits at the expense of quality journalism. Now more than ever, we need publicly funded media who will ask hard questions and focus on stories that affect real people, instead of Michael Jackson and the runaway bride.

As the House and Senate consider this frightening effort to kill public broadcasting, they need to hear from its owners—you.

Thank you for all you do,

–Noah, Wes, Jennifer, Eli and the MoveOn.org Team
Tuesday, June 14th, 2005

P.S. You can learn more about the threat to public broadcasting from our friends at Free Press here.

Sources:

1. "Public Broadcasting Targeted By House," Washington Post, June 10, 2005

2. "CPB's 'Secrets and Lies': Why the CPB Board Hid its Polls Revealing Broad Public Support for PBS and NPR," Center for Digital Democracy, April 27, 2005

3. "Republican Chairman Exerts Pressure on PBS, Alleging Biases," New York Times, May 2, 2005

Photo Sensitive

2005-06-15T12:16:00.000-04:00

I'm sure that for most people, this blog is way more Bonnie than you need. But if you're desperate to ingest every last little crumb of my life, I have posted some albums on flickr, here. There's Kendrick and Anjali's wedding, plus some randomness. I'll give a holler when other stuff goes up.

Pixilated

2005-06-14T17:45:00.000-04:00

I saw the Pixies last night. It was kind of strange to see a show on a Monday night. And to be seeing the Pixies, no less. They totally rocked. They were hot-n'-rad. They even got presented with awards for Surfer Rosa, which just went gold. It was everything I could have hoped a live Pixies show to be, and then some. It was almost hard to believe that it was really happening.

Maybe that's why the crowd was just kind of standing around and applauding now and then, rather than jumping and screaming and, I don't know, setting the lawn on fire. If Lisi and I were shy types, we might have been hesitant to screech and flail and make asses of ourselves in spectacular fashion.

Good thing we're not shy.

Honfest Revisited

2005-06-14T17:13:00.000-04:00

Ah, Honfest. A thoughtful, nuanced take on trashiness that only Baltimore could do right. The point of Honfest is not to mock the big hair, gaudy flower dresses, leopard-print spandex and blue eyeshadow of Balmer Moms past, but to celebrate them. And to drink Natty Boh in the streets. Here's the main drag.

So to speak.

2005-06-14T16:55:00.002-04:00

Lisi Grewe: Cutiepie

2005-06-14T16:55:00.001-04:00

Boys.

2005-06-14T16:53:00.000-04:00

Even better, she's got a hot rack, and she's not afraid to show it.

2005-06-14T16:52:00.001-04:00

And check out Allie's fun bags!

Aren't they fun, these bags she made?

2005-06-14T16:52:00.000-04:00

"Hiya, Hon! Where'd the table come from?" "I dunno - but it's A-OK!'

We never did figure out where it came from, incidentally.

2005-06-14T16:51:00.001-04:00

Lovely.

2005-06-14T16:51:00.000-04:00

Elvis, pink feather boas, and a giant papier mache flamingo. There you go.

2005-06-14T16:50:00.000-04:00

Spam bowling, of course.

2005-06-14T16:45:00.000-04:00

I bought that horn, and I almost went for the poodle - I got one almost exactly like that for my sister for Christmas when I was in kindergarten. It had blue eyes, though.

Good story, Bonnie. Good story.

2005-06-14T16:42:00.001-04:00

I'm a pirate!

2005-06-14T16:42:00.000-04:00

Cheesy goodness.

2005-06-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Now I'm a cowboy!

God Damn It

2005-06-14T13:52:00.000-04:00

I understand that, regardless of what Michael Jackson may have done (and it's highly probable he's done quite a few objectionable things, in my opinion), this trial had to be judged solely on the merits of the evidence at hand. And the mom was just not credible. Based on everything I heard, I figured he would get off, and it's probably a "fair" judgement.

Reasonable doubt, and so on.

But I think he should be tried, and would certainly be convicted, for killing and eating Little Michael.

Never Say Never

2005-06-13T16:05:00.000-04:00

I was just now reading my cousin Ali's blog, and I found that I've been tagged. I don't know what that means, exactly, but I can tell you this much:
It's on, bizznatch.

So, without further ado, here are ten things I've never done:
1. I've never lived in a foreign country.
2. I've never known exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life, or even with the next ten years.
3. I've never read Heart of Darkness. I probably never will.
4. I've never really taken to living in DC.
5. I've never gone to a dermatologist about my skin condition, which I strongly suspect is merely rosacea, and if so, could easily be treated.
6. I've never been able to graciously accept a compliment.
7. I've never turned down a breath mint when offered one, just to be on the safe side.
8. I've never been in a band. I mean I've been in "band", but never extracurricularly.
9. I've never done the splits.
10. I've never been a child prodigy. It's a tad late, now.

Ah, well.

Thievery

2005-06-13T12:17:00.000-04:00

I was going to get my photos from this weekend done today, but I forgot. I'll do it soon - b'lieve, Hon. In the meantime, I'll just steal from Lisi.

Seriously, though. How cute are we?

Catgay

2005-06-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

I wear my cat-heart on my sleeve. Well, just under it, anyway.

33% More Cat

2005-06-10T19:36:00.000-04:00

By special request, the Chairman and Eli.

Best Friends 4-Ever!!!

Too Darn Hot

2005-06-10T16:59:00.000-04:00

Mmm. Nothing like DC in the summer.

My Pride, My Shame

2005-06-10T16:06:00.000-04:00

Taking a tip from Ali, it's the Friday Catblog. I have three cats.

I know.

This would be Sexy Sadie in the front (she's 15!), Eager Egon in the middle (giving you that over-the-shoulder, come-hither look), and Krazee Kevin bringing up the rear.

Enjoy.

Pubic Transit

2005-06-10T11:01:00.000-04:00

The bus was packed this morning, and so I naturally found myself standing in extremely close proximity to several perfect strangers. My ass was perched on the shoulder of a guy sitting on the aisle, and I was more or less being loosely embraced by the gentleman behind me. Nothing unusual there. I was musing to myself, as I often do in these situations, about how interesting it is that we have an unspoken social contract that allows us to engage in close, almost intimate, physical contact with strangers when necessary, and it's fine as long as we all essentially pretend it's not happening.
Just then, the bus stopped suddenly, and the guy behind me bumped into me. Or more specifically, the crotch of the guy behind me bumped into my hip.
And I thought, "See? Perfect example. That would have been really weird if we weren't all jammed in together on the bus."
While I was in the midst of forming this thought, however, I noticed that the guy had clearly noticed the bump as well, and was at that moment having the same realization about the social contract. His reaction, though, was not so much, "Whew! That could have been embarrassing!" but rather, "Awesome! I bet I could do that again!"
And so for the next five minutes, every stop, pothole, hill, curve, and strong breeze was an excuse for him to graze me with his crotch.

TGIF!

Got Skills

2005-06-09T16:29:00.000-04:00

Multi-tasking, Bawlmer style.

I'm Just Doing You a Solid, Man

2005-06-09T16:10:00.000-04:00

You don't know it yet, but one day soon you're going to be cursing yourself for not having gotten to know my cousin Alison sooner.

No sweat, though. You can find out most of what you need to know at AliThinks.

You're welcome.

Gharialcam

2005-06-09T15:10:00.000-04:00

Some days, all you want to do is sit and watch the gharials. When I looked in on them a moment ago, they were getting fed fish on a stick. They get tilapia.

God damn it, they're cute.

Hons-a-poppin'

2005-06-09T14:19:00.000-04:00

Honfest on Saturday! Be there and be square.

Traveloshitty

2005-06-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

To Whom It May Concern -

I have booked all my flights and car rentals exclusively through
Travelocity for a number of years. I travel frequently, and am a
preferred member. Until now, I have never had a problem with your
services. Whenever I have needed assistance, your agents are always
helpful and resolve the issue quickly and completely.

However, I was extremely disappointed and frustrated with my most recent
trip. In April, I booked a round trip (Travelocity Trip ID:
758572767382) from DC to Chicago for this past weekend, June 3-5. I was
visiting friends to celebrate my 30th birthday weekend, as my actual
birthday was on the 5th. As usual, I opted for the e-ticket, and
immediately received the email that stated clearly that it would serve
as my ticket, and that I would receive no paper tickets. Before I left,
I printed this email and brought it with me just in case, as I always
do.

When I arrived at National airport, I tried to check in at the kiosk,
but the computer kept asking for further information, and could not
locate my flight information. I asked one of the airline agents, and she
said that, according to their records, I had received paper tickets. She
told me to go to the check-in desk so an agent could correct it.

When I went to the desk, I explained my problem. The agent asked me to
try another kiosk first, and instead of using my credit card, typed in
my name. The computer then printed out documents for me, and I assumed
everything was fine. When I was about to board the plane, however, I
handed my boarding pass to the agent at the gate, and she pointed out
that it said it was not valid without my "printed ticket". I showed her
my e-ticket email, and explained that I had nothing else. She told me to
go ahead and board.

Then, while we were still at the gate, a flight attendant came back and
asked me again about my paper ticket. She said I wasn't allowed to fly,
because without the paper ticket that I supposedly had, they couldn't
get paid for the flight. I again showed my e-ticket, and explained that
I had never asked for paper tickets, and I had never received anything
in the mail from Travelocity, or even an email indicating that I might.
I pointed out that the email clearly showed that I had paid. Finally,
they agreed to let me fly, but warned me that I would have the same
problem on the return trip, and told me to call Travelocity and sort it
out ahead of time.

So, before my return trip, I called Travelocity, twice, to resolve the
issue. Both times, the agent I spoke to seemed unable to figure out what
was wrong, and put me on hold. The first time, I got cut off after a
little while, and the second time, I gave up after waiting on hold for
nearly half an hour. Finally, I decided to simply print out copies of
all the information I could - my e-ticket, my confirmation email, my
receipt, and so on - and try to sort it out at the airport. I was still
apprehensive, because the return flight was on Sunday, my birthday, and
I very much wanted to get home in time to meet other friends later that
evening.

When I arrived at O'Hare, I first tried to use a kiosk, just to be sure,
and as I anticipated, it didn't work. It so happened that my flight,
along with many others throughout O'Hare, had been delayed, so there was
a long line waiting to change flights or make other arrangements. When I
finally got to an agent, I explained my whole story, showed them my
documents, and said that I didn't need to do anything but get checked
in. The agent told me, as before, that because of how I appeared in
their records, they couldn't let me fly unless I presented my "paper
ticket". They said I should call Travelocity, and I explained that I had
tried to do so before, and that their agents were unable to understand
my problem. I asked them to tell me exactly what I should ask for. They
said I should ask Travelocity to void my "paper ticket" and issue a new
e-ticket, so I could check in.

I called Travelocity, and explained my situation, and asked for exactly
what the airline said. Again, I was put on hold, and then finally cut
off. I called a second time, and insisted that I not be put on hold. The
agent took my cell phone number and assured me he would call me back if
I got cut off. So again, I explained the whole situation and asked the
agent to void my "paper ticket" and issue a new e-ticket. The agent, who
was very kind and helpful, explained that unfortunately, he did not have
the power to do that, and that he would have to consult with a
supervisor and document my issue. I waited very patiently while he did
this.

Finally, he came back to me and said that he could not put me on my
original flight, because it was sold out. For a moment, I considered
pointing out that at least one of those seats had indeed been sold, TO
ME, back in April, but it was now getting close to the boarding time,
even with the delays, and I decided to just let it go. He said that I
could either buy a ticket on another flight, and Travelocity would
reimburse me, or they could simply transfer me to another flight, which
would have a connection, and would land in Dulles, rather than National.
I responded that I coudn't afford another flight, and so I would take
whatever flight they could give me.

By this time, the battery on my phone was running out, and I asked him
to please hurry, as there would be no other way for him to reach me if
it died. He gave me the time of my new flight, and a confirmation
number. After waiting for another 15 minutes to speak to an airline
agent again, I finally asked to check in, and was told that my new
flight was on another airline entirely.

So, after running all the way back across O'Hare to get to the other
airline desk, and after waiting another half hour in line to check in, I
was finally given a boarding pass. Interestingly, it was in fact a
direct flight to National, rather than a connecting flight to Dulles.
This was certainly preferable, but it was not what the Travelocity agent
had told me, and so there was additional confusion as the airline agent
double-checked and verified that it was the correct flight, and I would
be able to board. Nonetheless, this flight was also delayed. So instead
of arriving (even with the delay) at 9:30pm, as I would have if I had
been able to board my original flight, I didn't get home until
approximately 2:00am.

In sum, I was unable to see my friends that evening, I had to spend
additional money on dinner and a cab home from the airport, I got very
little sleep, and worst of all, I spent my 30th birthday standing in
line, running around, and arguing with people over what should have been
a simple-to-resolve computer glitch.

As I said, I have been a devoted customer of Travelocity for a number of
years, and have never hesitated to use your services. However, I was
very disappointed with how this matter was resolved, and am very
concerned that such a thing could happen again. I do travel a lot and go
to Chicago regularly, and I would like to continue to use Travelocity.
So I think it would be only fair for you to cover the cost of my next
trip to Chicago, to make up for this trip, which was essentially ruined.
I do appreciate that you were able to get me home at all, but that seems
the very least you could do to correct this situation that I can only
imagine was your fault.

Thank you for taking the time to hear my concerns. I look forward to
your response.

Sincerely,
Bonnie M.

Bonnie,

Thank you for writing Travelocity.

We are sorry that you were unable to visit your friends on your birthday
and make the best of the time. If there is a problem at the airport, we
look at the best possible options to assist you on your flight back
home. In rare cases, due to circumstances out of our control, we are
unable to set things the right way but we try and correct the errors
made on our system so that our customers are the least effected in the
transaction.

Please accept a Future Travel Discount (FTD) Code in the amount of $25
for your next Travelocity Total Trip, Good Buy Hotel or Last Minute Deal
booking on Travelocity.com or with one of our Agents on
1-888-TRAVELOCITY.

Please be assured that you are a valued customer and we look forward to
your continued patronage. Should you require additional information or
if we may be of further assistance please do not hesitate to contact us.

Regards,
Blaskie
Travelocity Customer Service

Back in the Saddle

2005-06-06T16:36:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back from Chi-town. Hooray. The visit was indeed awesome. I got to see all of my peeps, even Ben. I'll get you next time, Davey. The return trip, however, was hell. I stood in several lines, just barely refrained from yelling at five different people, ran the length of O'Hare and back, and my head didn't hit the pillow until 3:00am. I'm about to bang out an angry letter to Travelocity, in hopes that they will comp my next trip.
Or send me a pony.
But all that aside, I had a great time, which mostly consisted of bullshitting, eating great food, drinking, purchasing various trinkets and gewgaws, and sleeping. I couldn't have asked for more. Also, I got my license renewed. The photo is fabulous, and I will post it soon. Folks say it looks like I'm incredibly bored, holding my breath, and thinking about killing you. I agree. And in fact, all of those things are true. And finally, I got a new tattoo, and it looks totally rad. This is the design.

Kitties.

That Toddling Town

2005-06-02T11:21:00.000-04:00

I'm heading to Chicago tomorrow! I heart that freakin' city, and I'm totally geeked to see all my pals. Dave and Ben, maxin' and relaxin' below, are apparently too lame to hang out with me, and will be camping instead. (Lame!) But I do hope to see...

2005-06-02T11:17:00.000-04:00

The lovely Miss Amanda

2005-06-02T10:53:00.000-04:00

Dan and his little friend

2005-06-02T10:52:00.000-04:00

Chairman Meow and Dr. Eli "Freedom America" Hitchcock

2005-06-02T10:51:00.000-04:00

Stephany and Elizabeth, and their boys

2005-06-02T10:42:00.000-04:00

..and Kenjali!

Juicy Melons

2005-06-01T16:56:00.000-04:00

Nothing says "Memorial Day" like a hand-carved watermelon basket, don't you think? Check out Cat Gay for the highlights of the lowlifes. And Lisi's bruised melons.

Mmm, Hamburger.

2005-05-29T21:42:00.000-04:00

I went to a Neil Hamburger show the other night.

For your reading pleasure, here are some highlights:

What's the difference between Courtney Love and the American flag? (What, Neil?)
Well, it would be wrong to piss on the American flag.

Why did God send Terri Schiavo to Hell?
For the sin of sloth.

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over the balcony?
He was punishing him for refusing to finish his plate of sperm.

What's wet and sticky and splattered all over former President Ronald Reagan's coffin?
The tears of a nation.

What's long and hard and goes on and on and on?
Our nation's grief over the passing of former President Ronald Regan.

Did you hear that Britney Spears has a new single out? Yes, and she's made a video to promote this single. And do you know who makes a special guest appearance in this video? Snoop Doggy Dogg. Yes, Snoop Dogg. But you know, I thought they already outlawed slavery.

His closer:

Why did Julia Roberts rub shit on her vagina?
Because she was horny.

And my personal favorite of the evening:

Why does Britney Spears sell so many millions of albums?
Because the public is horny and depressed.

It's funny because it's true.

The Stupidest First Post Ever

2005-05-27T16:12:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a brand-new blog created by Bonnie.

And nobody cared.

So she put kitties in it.

And that made it worse.